rents

this is probably really bad for me to say, because i know i have probably some of the most supportive parents, but at the same time, they aren't as supportive as i think they can be because of their lack of understanding of my situation. i constantly think, each day, about what the hell i want to do with my life. i feel like i'm wasting their money because, well i transferred and rutgers decided to give me the RU screw on multiple levels and because i keep changing my mind on what i want to pursue. for example, i want to retake orgo because i did awful here. but my dad wants me to take classes at county college, for money reasons. but i don't think he...remembers...about my awful grade. and i don't know what to do. i feel like it just eats away at me each day. i feel like i disappointed myself but the i think the worse of all, is that i tried so damn hard. at UD, i could've gotten an A, the way i work now. so how the hell did i do so well at UD and sucked at rutgers. well for one thing, rutgers was harder. also, if i recall correctly, chem majors take the same orgo as every other science major while UD has an easier (but still not intro) level orgo for the non-chem majors. makes more sense in my book.

so again, the debate continues. did i make the right decision by coming to rutgers? where now i have this permanent standing grade that i can't do anything about. and i can't fix my gen chem grades either. i mean, to me, its like an equivalent of a jail record-- either way, i'm not gonna get into any graduate level schools or get any jobs. i might as well just go get arrested because at least i'd have a good story.

each minute of each day, i am further than ever from my dreams (wow, i almost wrote genes...thanks, genetics). and if you can't tell, it really fucking depresses me.