so i was thinking about the time that dan bittner was ranting in the car about looking for a job. he was saying that getting an entry level job is not really an entry level job because they expect you to have experience even though the whole point is ENTRY level. i totally agree. i mean, when i was looking for an internship, it was like “____ experience required.” wtf? i’m trying get experience with your goddamn, nonpaying, bitch internship. and you expect me to have experience? thanks, asshole.
another thing he mentioned was how every resume wants “leadership skills.” to paraphrase dan’s words: if everyone was a leader, there would be NO followers! people should be happy with someone who is a good follower. without good followers, shit would never get done.
i agree with this. i think it’s because people are still in the 1800s belief of the american dream. and while i agree people should strive for want and have high ambitions, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be a CEO or a doctor. it’s natural for people to be power-hungry i suppose, but i think there is a lot of truth in what dan is saying.
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i’ve been some reading some blogs of people going through rough breakups and i reminisce about mine. i start to feel those awful, negative feelings start to rise back up. the memories flood my mind as i try to keep myself occupied with other things. they were such terrible, terrible times in my life. i was literally alone. no one wanted to be around me because i was unbearably depressing. literally every possible negative thought would take control of me. i had no positive emotion. i was either apathetic or depressed. i could stand to be me. despite my major fear of death, all i wanted to do was die. it’s amazing how emotions can take over you and completely change who you are for such a long period of time. after thinking about it now, i realize i am not good with change. breaking up is losing a best friend. you go from sharing a bed and laughs to literally nothing in just a few seconds. you go from parting kisses to an awkward hug goodbye, if that. i know it doesn’t always have to be like that, but fact is, most of the time, it has to happen like that.. since i’ve been over everything for quite some time, i guess it finally hit me that i haven’t spoken to brian in 3 or 4 months and it upsets me. not because i want him back, but we were good friends and just to all of a sudden stop talking or pretend that wasn’t true is kind of upsetting. and then my other ex, is doing his thing and i barely speak to him when he’s up at college. i just don’t understand the point of building up such a close bond and then saying oh well, thanks for sharing all of your secrets and darkest memories, kbye. it’s not right. it’s not fair. i didn’t spill my heart out to you for you to break up with me and then just pretend everything didn’t happen. it did happen. and i’m not being angsty about the breakup, but i’m being angsty about not talking anymore. i mean, we’re friends. or were friends. but i guess it’s like you said — since i didnt visit in a few months, why do you want to talk anymore? really, is that how it works? and then it pisses me off how my other ex comments on all my facebook shit (this was a few weeks ago, it’s stopped, probably because i started deleting his posts) about my negative facebook statuses. seriously, shut the fuck up. i realize that i probably am a little too negative but perhaps it’s just to let me true friends know that i’m upset and i don’t make much time to talk to them because i’m a shitty friend, but here’s what’s going on in my life.
anyway, if you just decided to skip to the bottom, i just wanted to say: i hope everyone who goes through a rough breakup can cope much better than i. and if you need help, get it. one of my biggest mistakes is not following up with the counseling at university of delaware. i needed it more than i thought, even though i thought i was better. i wasn’t. far from it.
well, i finally felt the urge to start blogging again. not sure how long this phase will last, but i always enjoy reading my old posts. so much has changed in just 2 years.
safe to finally say, i am doing so much better than i was when i last posted in this blog. looking back, i needed serious help. the worst of that was not even when i was posting on here still. but i was headed towards a dismal path and was stuck there for quite some time. the next few posts will most likely me remembering my rough past and being happy that for some time, i am not in that dark place.
however, because i started focusing some of that energy on school work, it has definitely left some holes in my life that i long for and miss. my social life is still not much improved from what it was 2 years ago except i stopped caring because my excuse is that i need to study; i don’t have time for people. i suppose it works, but it makes me miss the people that were in my life.
i have so much more on my mind that i’ve kept inside that’d i like to express but i feel like i should keep things shorter.
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